I’m in the process of changing my hairstyle – painful, and actually something I haven’t successfully done in, oh, let’s see… 15+ years? For a woman, that’s a long time to be sportin’ the same look. For a man it’s usually OK, in fact it’s lucky - assuming you’ve still got all your hair.
I’ve tried to change before from my staple, the “pixie cut.” I’ve done a few minor variations (little flippy curls up the back, etc.), but no real change. That’s because every time I have ever tried to make a “real” change, which (obviously) requires me to GROW the hair (unless I wanted to do a Sinead, which I’ve been tempted to do before…), I always get the inevitable mid-growth attack of the fuglys and, very quickly, give up and chop it back off again.
I’m hoping this is the time that I can make it through. I’m hoping I’ve come to peace with my inner fugly. I am trying very, very hard to ride it out like the rodeo champ I’d like to think I am.
You see, I have a vision of the future. It is a vision of me with cute, somewhat longer (not much, just a bit), and, (most importantly!) different hair.
And, on days like today (and yesterday, and the day before, and actually for a bit now…), when I look in the mirror with a deep depression mingled with bitter resolve and frustration, I will have to heave my deep *sigh* at the fugly looking back at me… And try to remember the vision.
I have a hair cut appointment Saturday at 9:00 am. I'm telling myself, today, that it is to shape this damn fugly so that at least it is fugly with intent and direction and not just fugly by coincidence. But, if my wobbly borrowed patience hat (what, you think I even own a patience hat that I could put on if I wanted to?! Yeahriight.) slips off in a moment of despair... Well, we'll just have to wait and see.
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Rhi
Girl Before a Mirror - I love it. Speaking from the viewpoint of a totally egocentric and selfish person... Some people might think I am generous and caring, in fact I really have to work twice as hard at it because my nature is so (hmm maybe not "self-"centered, because I don't really always think about what is best for myself, perhaps rather...) "in"-centered, I often wonder what it is people see when they look at me. In fact, I wrote a piece on it once for a Toastmaster's speech, maybe I'll see if I can find and post it.
Be that all as it may... I think what I am trying to say is, I know (I know!) that it is not about appearances. That said, sometimes, for me it is. It is really hurtful and painful for me when I don't look my best. I am a vain person. I'm not really proud of it, but I am at peace with it. I feel that I have so little else to offer that, by god, I'd better at least LOOK good.
Enough. I'm sick of myself. And I don't want the whole inevitable pity party that it sounds like, from rereading above, I'm trying to invite you to. Not gonna happen. Thanks for being willing to come (I know you were! You are so loving and there for people).
Just be with me (as I know you are). Its hard. But, still growing!!! If/when I get to the vision, I'll post pics.
And now... to find the closest GNC. (!)
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