Maybe I was never meant to be perfect

So I think my continuing dissatisfaction with self all goes back to some driven childhood need for perfection. My parents (mother) always had such high hopes and expectations for my sister and I. One of my earliest memories is of my mom administering an IQ test. Horseback riding and French lessons soon to follow.

Now I am this kind of hippie ADD short time hobby person, which sort of disgusts me because I feel like I should finish what I am starting. But the flip side of that is my desire to be the BEST at things, which means that I get discouraged if I don't show an immediate aptitude to pick something up. Hence, never getting involved in group sports. Here's me, tripping over the soccer ball at age 7, etc. And, as a grown up having never learned or played, its still hard to just jump in.

But, maybe that is just what I do and what my life is about. I'll sure as hell try anything. Sometimes I'll keep trying, because I think maybe it would be "cool" to know (Tai Chi, horseback riding, language lessons). I think perhaps (perhaps, I'm gonna float this out there anyway), I need a paradigm shift on some of this stuff.

I have GREAT follow through to things that I DECIDE (i.e. losing weight, quitting smoking, being a good employee, etc.). What I DON'T have great follow through is some stuff that I dabble in for my own personal horizon broadening experience. What's the point of all this blathering, you say? Well... MAYBE... Just MAYBE, there's nothing wrong with dabbling...?! Is trying a bunch of different things and continuing to experiment and learn a little bit about a bunch of things (instead of niching into a single or a few subjects) such a BAD thing, after all?

I have done so much with my life. I am DOING so much with my life. When is it "enough"? Who says? I want to be successful. I want to have fun. So, I'm doing it already!

By the way, my hobby du jour is knitting. I'm GOOD at it !!! (At least, I was able to start knitting and do a couple of rows last night.

My big long term hobbies - I read, a LOT, in spurts. When I feel like it, I make stuff (crafty stuff). I travel, a LOT (3x France, 1x Italy, 1x Britain, several xMexico, coupla xCaribbean, etc...., not counting numerous travels within the US, incl. TONS of awesome National Parks all over the place and an upcoming Hawai'i trip this summer).

In the immortal words of the wise Popeye "I yam what I yam." I need to take my own advice I'm always spurting to whoever will listen - stop TALKING about what you WISH and start DOING the steps that take you there... OR - LET IT GO ! You don't want it bad enough yet!!! :)