Abandoned Christmas trees make me sad.

One day.

I have trouble finding motivation to do anything because it all just seems like such bs. I mean, what I am doing won’t make a difference anyway, so why bother? We’re constantly thrown one catchphrase after another that resonates, because we know it to be so: “Just Do It,” “dance like no one’s watching” (*blech*), “time waits for no man,” and the ubiquitous “carpe diem.”

Anyone who has had any tenuous success grabbing onto these theories is quick to share their importance, to push others to do the same, to preach the benefit of living moments in the ways we know we should, the ways we know we want to.

And yet the apathy always returns, insidiously sucking away at us. It steals our energy, robs us of our convictions, secretly, quietly, sponging it up. Atrophy at its finest, our peak of action, momentum and control… gradually… declines… just a little now... just a little. Slowly, it disintegrates. At first we see it, hold it, smell it, feel it… even grasp clingingly to it! Then, our focus wanes, our backs turn for a single moment and then it is gone, a mere mirage, something beautiful we once knew.

But it was there!!! Right there! It was beautiful. You’ve just got to know this feeling. You are on track. After having been a drooling observer from the sidelines for so long, you have finally driven the car. We must get it back. And we will. We will seize the day. We will execute our moral imperatives.

After this show.
When we finish dinner.
If we can save enough money.
Once we lose the weight.

If we can release the fear.
Once we stop procrastinating.
After we wake up and recognize our future.

When we embrace change as both inevitable and good
and stop hiding and justifying our way out of our own potential.

One day.

I'm not Living with Ed yet

Post note: I was pretty disappointed in the Living with Ed show. I was going into it hoping to find out some real helpful information about how to live an a sustainable manner from someone that was already doing it, and the show is more of a "can you believe I'm married to this crazy person?" perspective.

***** Hey, America - this guy isn't crazy, he's right. *****
In fact, he may be the only sane one out of all of us.


If you haven't watched An Inconvenient Truth yet, you need to watch it. I intended to go when it was in the theaters and didn't make it happen. I just watched it on Friday night.

First let me say that I went into watching it a bit reluctantly. What I mean to say is, I have definitely wanted to see it since it came out, but I had this notion that I had to watch it at the appropriate moment, being that it was sure to be dry and boring. I just knew that when the movie started I would have to be in the appropriate serious - and wide awake - mood. Suffice it to say that after a long day at work I wasn't sure how awake I was, but decided to "just do it."

This movie was no boring and dry presentation. I found it to be moving, motivational, charismatic... Effective. It made me want to buy 100 copies and leave them places with a stipulation note that says "to take, must watch and share."

All you crazy fools out there who think global warming is a government conspiracy (yeah, how does that work again?) - and though I'm not sure I can still claim you as friends I personally know some of you idiots - need to wake up and smell the atmosphere.


I'm glad I went vegetarian.
I'm glad I use compact fluorescents.
I'm glad I have an alternatively fueled vehicle.
I want to do more.
I need to do more.



I'm glad I'm not having children.

Tiny elephants!

JB always cracks on me because (on the rare occasion that I remember my dream) I have the craziest dreams. He’s just jealous.

So last night I dreamt I was flying just over the treetops, my feet dangling down below me like I was on some cool amusement ride. But it was even better because I could direct where I was going. Now, wait! That’s not even the cool part.

So I was looking down at the treetops as I skimmed by, and I noticed that on the top branches of one the trees (like he had somehow fallen there, maybe off the “ride”) was a tiny live elephant!

So I got really worried once I saw him, because he was stuck there and couldn’t get down. The little guy looked like he was in serious trouble. I knew that if I left him there, he’d either fall and get seriously hurt, or die of starvation. So, I directed my (? Let’s call it a hovercraft for lack of any knowledge of what the heck it was, it was like I was sitting in it with my feet hanging down and loose) “hovercraft” back over the tree and streeeetched down and scooped him up with my foot, and then gingerly transferred him to my hand. He was so tiny that he fit comfortably in the palm of my hand with room to spare. I could tell he was dehydrated and starving because his skin was all loose and hanging on him.

In my dream we now cut to me sitting down to dinner and looking at my plate of food to try to find something I can feed to the elephant… And guess what I finally gave him?! Tiny torn off bits of BROCCOLI! Isn’t that great?!

Of course, now queue JB, jumping out of bed like he was poked with a cattle prod, to answer his ringing cell phone (dream ends here).

Wouldn’t the tiny elephant be a great children’s book character? In my dream he was SOOO cool.

Ok, so maybe I’m nuts. Or maybe it’s some kind of Freudian message about my newfound vegetarianism (since 12/17).

It was a great dream though.

Living with Ed

I'll be watching this Sunday at 7pm.

American Zen is running sideways, writing books, lecturing, referring to theology, psychology, and whatnot. Someone should stand up and smash the whole thing to pieces.
- Nyogen Senzaki